Two geezers were shooting the shit. “I used to be a pizza deliveryman,” Jerry recalled. “What a cruel job. You could look at them and smell them, but you couldn’t eat them.”

“I know what you mean,” Victor said. “I used to be a gynecologist.”

A guy picked up a low-priced escort and spent a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later he found out that he had a nasty case of crabs.

He chased down the woman and snarled, “You gave me fuckin’ crabs!”

“Well,” she replied, “what did you expect for 20 bucks? Lobster?”

While sitting in a sauna, starry-eyed Daniel said to a perfect stranger, “Ya know, my wife’s an angel.”

“I envy you,” the other man snorted. “Mine’s still alive.”

Question: What did one pussy lip say to the other?

Answer: “What’s happened to us? We used to be so tight.”

A salesman was on a lengthy business trip to Las Vegas. One evening he was chatting with a sexy woman in his hotel’s lounge and eventually realized that she was a hooker.

The salesman told her, “I’ll give you $200 for a mediocre blowjob.”

“Honey,” the working girl cooed, “for 200 bucks I’ll give you the blowjob of a lifetime.”

“You don’t understand,” the salesman muttered. “I’m not horny, just homesick.”

Question: Why isn’t Barbie pregnant?
Answer: Ken came in a different box.

The mother superior was giving the nuns their last bit of advice before they left the convent. “There will be many men who’ll try to take sexual liberties with you,” she warned. “Remember that one hour of pleasure is the path to eternal damnation.”

One of the nuns piped up, “Reverend Mother, how do you make it last an hour?”